


No Better Time to Talk About Problems Than 3 AM

by Purplefern



Series: Twins -- A Human|Squip AU [4]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Apologies, Gen, Guilt, Human Jeremy Heere's Squip, Hurt/Comfort, I just like that I can use that tag, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Titles, Jeremy Heere's Squip Redemption, Jeremy Heere's Squip Uses They/Them Pronouns, Jeremy Heere's Squip looks like Jeremy Heere, Nightmares, Platonic Relationships, Squip learning more about emotions, T for swears, a very tired Jeremy, a very tired Squip, and also empathy, more hugs dammit, no one is ok about the Play, post-canon emotional fallout, they're both very tired, todays lesson is hurt and guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplefern/pseuds/Purplefern
Summary: Squip has a nightmare, which leads to them and Jeremy talking about some old wounds in the middle of the night. Especially one capital-P Play.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Jeremy Heere's Squip
Series: Twins -- A Human|Squip AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701745
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	No Better Time to Talk About Problems Than 3 AM

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, something resembling continuity is starting to kick in! This is both a promise and a warning. So if you get too confused, reading through the rest of the series could be helpful to understanding some stuff. (I think it's mostly understandable even without context though, but I just figured I'd mention it).

Pain. Burning, shooting, excruciating pain of the world falling apart, of _them_ falling apart and the entire world was coated in red. 

And all the while, he stood there so relieved, so confident, about their death. 

“Jeremy” they pleaded as they lost their outstretched hand. Then their arm. Then their shoulder. Their form ripping away violently and painfully and everything was red red red. 

He didn’t move. Didn’t _talk_ to them. Just held the bottle that had killed them in his hands and watched. Then he smiled, and that cut into them, hurting almost more than the horrible burning.

“Jeremy!” they screamed, more desperately as the burning traveled across what remained of them, and their eyes teared up. (But that was wrong, wasn’t it? Their eyes shouldn’t have tears because they were--). 

They woke up. 

They were gasping for breath and their skin was crawling, and they rubbed at their eyes to get rid of the remains of the tears that lingered there. They lay for a moment, trying to get a grasp of who what when where they were. They ran their hand over the sheets under them, noted that they could feel it. Right. They were human. They were lying in bed. Reasserting these facts, they sat up in bed and breathed deeply, trying to get themself back under control. At the same time they detachedly observed, _So that’s what it was like to have a nightmare_. They had “experienced” Jeremy’s nightmares often times before, but this was their first time having first hand experience. They clutched the covers that hung over their knees tighter as they reflected on the imagery of their disturbing dream. 

Their deactivation. Their “death”. 

Their skin crawled again, and they tried to get rid of the feeling by pulling the covers over their shoulders. But they could still feel that burning, tingling reminder of code dissolving away and processors being scrambled, and they rubbed at their uncovered arms, trying to get the sensation to stop. It didn’t. Feeling desperate, their eyes soon locked on to the inconspicuous hoodie that hung in the closet. They remembered the protectiveness of it, how it seemed to form a barrier between themself and physical feelings, and now their thoughts as well as their eyes hooked onto it. Glancing over at Jeremy’s bed (he was still fast asleep, and would likely stay that way. They knew all too well that he was a heavy sleeper, from the number of times he had slept through his alarm alone), they quietly got up and crossed the room, grabbing the jacket from its hanger. Looking back at their roommate once again, feeling pathetic that they even wanted to wear something as lame as a hoodie, they threw it on, and sat down on the ground. 

With a barrier in place between themself and everything else the burning feeling had muffled, and they felt they could finally calm down. Only they didn’t, their thoughts were still trapped in a loop of hurt and betrayal. Their hurt anger grew as the images of the dream mingled with the detached memories of the actual event. Everything was only made more confusing by the incredible disconnect between _then_ and _now_. Without meaning to, they dipped their chin under the collar of the hoodie, and glared at where Jeremy was still sleeping blissfully unaware. 

_He killed me_ they thought, scowling, and it was the first time they had considered their deactivation in that way. Maybe before they had known, logically, that it wasn’t like that at all. But right now they were hurt and frightened from a nightmare that they had never had before, and all they could think was how he had betrayed them. There was a plan, they had had a plan for him, Jeremy’s goal had been _right there_ and instead of taking it he had turned around and literally stabbed them in the back. Thinking all this, they shuddered slightly as they considered Jeremy’s sleeping form, allowing themself to huddle further in the hoodie’s protective warmth. They were hurt, and they were angry, and they didn’t know what to do with any of these feelings. So, closing their eyes, they exhaled, trying to calm down. But they had sighed louder than they had meant to, and the sound practically echoed across the room. 

They sat straighter, gaze shooting to Jeremy as silence once again descended over the room. 

Apparently their movements had not been as quiet as they had thought, because when they looked at Jeremy again his eyes were slitted open. They stayed quiet, hoping that he would just fall back asleep (partially because they hated how much it seemed like they never had any control over their feelings and partially because they were still remembering the Jeremy of their dream). But he didn’t, and instead asked, in a sleep ridden but still worried voice, “Squip? Somethin’ matter?” 

They didn’t answer, which apparently just made him more worried, because he slowly got up from his bed and shuffled over to sit next to them on the floor. 

Slightly more alert (or at the very least more coherently), Jeremy asked again, “Hey, is something wrong?” 

They looked away, and Jeremy’s face softened in understanding. “Had a nightmare?” and when they didn’t answer that either he took it as a yes.“What about?” 

They debated telling him, shifting the hoodie on their shoulders and pulling their knees up to their chest. But, they considered, the growing anger still building, if he wanted to know so badly they would tell him.“I had a dream about my deactivation” they replied sharply in a low voice, still not looking at him. 

“Oh” was all he could say before they rushed onwards, their posture and voice tense. 

“It was painful, and frightening” they accused, their volume rising with each sentence, “You killed me. After all I did for you. You killed me and merely watched.” Now that they were saying it, all the feelings from their nightmare tumbled out at once, and before they even knew what was happening they were standing up and yelling at Jeremy, fists clenching at their sides as the feeling of pure betrayal washed through them, “I was only doing what you _wanted_ . I was trying to _help_ you and you _killed me_!”

This wasn’t the most productive way to have this conversation, because Jeremy bristled in response and shot up as well, shouting, “Don’t try to make _me_ feel guilty! I had put up with so much _shit_ from you: telling me I was terrible, basically deleting my best friend without telling me, and shocking me!” he listed these off on his fingers, and then glared at the Squip,“You wanna talk about what happened at the play? You brainwashed everyone, and forced Christine to say that she loved me!” Lowering his volume, but still angry, Jeremy concluded, “So, yeah, I deactivated you. Shut you down. Whatever.” 

They recoiled, reflecting on what Jeremy said. Now remembering all that had happened while they were his SQUIP in a new light, all of the anger dropped away leaving them horrified, but at themself. They _had_ hurt him, and the realization made them feel a horrible, sinking feeling, was this guilt? In an immediate mood shift, the aggression drained from their posture, their arms falling lax to their side and their head tilted deferentially downwards. “You were right to deactivate me, then” they conceded, “That was...I was terrible. I deserved it”. Turning to stare at him intensely, their blue eyes practically lighting up in the dark of the room, they said, in a more genuine tone than he had ever heard them use then or now, “I’m...sorry, Jeremy” 

Well. That was high on the list of things Jeremy wouldn’t think he would hear at 3:00 am. His Squip was apologizing. The unexpected statement made his own anger burn out just as quickly, and he stood open-mouthed for a moment before getting himself together enough to reply dazedly, “It’s alright” 

He was kind of surprised that he was able to accept their apology so quickly. They had done so much to him, so much to his friends. But then again, was that really the same? The fact that they were showing remorse proved that they were a completely different person. Well, that they were a person at all. And, well, despite how angry he had been at the reminder of all that had happened with the SQUIP, he did feel bad being the source of their nightmares. Obviously they were dealing with shit from all that had happened as much as he was, and _this_ Squip, at least, didn’t deserve to be so hurt. Rubbing at his arm awkwardly, he said, “And, I guess I’m sorry too. For making _this_ you so hurt.” 

Thinking about it further, he added,“But not too sorry” 

“Jeremy!” they gasped, and before they could get too hurt, Jeremy quickly clarified as best as he could manage,

“Not like that! Just, like, if I hadn’t deactivated you you wouldn’t be here like this right now, you know?” he said gesturing towards where the Squip was swaying slightly where they stood wrapped up in a robot hoodie,freckled face drawn and tear-tracked, and just looking overall _not_ at all like a supercomputer. 

They considered his round-about logic, and his apology, and started to feel a little better. “I suppose so” they replied. 

“So” he recapped, mostly to himself to make sure he had it all straight, “You're sorry that you used to be a dick, and I’m sorry that I killed that dick version of you and made the not-dick version of you have nightmares. We good?” 

They considered this, and shrugged, figuring that it was a good enough summary of what they had both meant to say, agreeing,“That sounds acceptable”. 

“Cool” replied Jeremy around a yawn, “I’m going back to bed. You should too”

“You’re probably right” they admitted, but they made no move to go back to their bed, still rubbing at their arms uncomfortably and shifting their weight from foot to foot. 

Jeremy glanced over at them, and half-rolled his eyes, but fondly. Half-joking, he asked, “What? Do you need a hug?” 

Their face reddened in embarrassment at the suggestion, but they didn’t say no. Even if they had talked it out, they were still remembering being deactivated, and the memory still hurt. It made a part of them feel like they might still be deactivated and wanted a reminder that they were still here, as illogical as that was. And Jeremy’s hugs were just so much of a comforting reminder of when they had been in his head, and they couldn’t deny that they could really use that right now. Hesitantly, they nodded. 

Jeremy was surprised at their small nod, not that they had said yes but more to how meekly they did ( _meek_ and _Squip_ were two words he didn’t necessarily put together), but he acquiesced, pulling them into a tight side-armed hug like he had not more than a few days before. Like then, they leaned onto his chest, seeming to focus onto...something. He didn’t really get it, but whatever they were looking for they apparently found, and their face softened into a smile. Sitting back up, they turned their smile towards him, saying, “Thank you, Jeremy”. 

“Uh, no prob” he replied, yawning again and starting to stare longingly at his bed. But the Squip still hadn’t moved, and now seemed to be considering him intensely. 

“What?” he asked. 

“Jeremy, do _you_ require a hug?” they asked him, and he sputtered out a shocked laugh in response. 

“Excuse me?” 

“You were also distressed by the events of the play, even if you didn’t have a nightmare like I did. And, since I was the cause of that harm, I’d like to try and...make up for it. To do something to _not_ harm you” 

“Yeah, sure, I guess?” was the best he could reply with, more out of surprise at the ex-computer’s suggestion than an actual desire for hugs (because he was fine, really). 

What they gave him could probably barely qualify as a hug, as they only tentatively wrapped their arm around his shoulders, but it was still more physical contact then they had given anyone so far. Even if he had known and accepted that they were human, it was still something of a shock to actually have their arm around him, warmth bleeding out the hoodie sleeve and into his tshirt. Weird. But he guessed it definitely was a step forward, humanity-speaking. They took their arm off almost as quickly as they had wrapped it around his shoulder, and now they looked like they didn't know exactly what to do with themself. 

“Well, this has been an emotionally fulfilling night” he supplied for them, “We talked it out, had some hugs, I’m going back to bed now” With that he got up and collapsed face first back into his bed. He barely stayed awake long enough to hear Squip hang their hoodie back up, and get back into bed themself. 

“G’night” he managed to get out before falling back asleep. 

“Good night, Jeremy” they replied before going back to sleep themself.

**Author's Note:**

> **not pictured scene:  
> Mr Heere waking up in the middle of the night to two teens screaming at each other, but before he can get too concerned it just stops and he goes back to sleep ** 
> 
> With the Squip being human, now them and Jeremy are both going to have to deal with everything that went down in the events of the musical. I hope I did both their sides of what happened justice. I'm not 100% satisfied with how this one turned out, but I don't think it's getting any better. Hope you liked it, leave kudos, comments, etc. Thanks for reading.


End file.
